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“Mercilessly, most of her past conquests will be at Oxford and you won’t be able to bust a move in Park End [a popular student nightclub] without bumping into one of them." He added: "Aesthetically he is a beautiful man: taller, broader, and handsomer than you will ever be." Their well-bred friends are no less intimidating, he adds.
“Posh Girls, ‘practically sisters’ since their years together in the boarding house, tell each other everything.
As she disembarks the train, refrain from mocking her attire (wellingtons and a ski jacket – ‘but I thought it’d be freezing’) and instead congratulate her on having made it thus far.” He advises: “When driving her back to your place, it’s a good idea to make a detour past the local Waitrose. "Treating women like objects that lack any autonomy in who they date or sleep with is outdated and boring," said the 20 year-old PPE student, from London.
This will settle her down considerably.” And being dumped, he warned, “will happen”. "If this article is trying to be funny, the author needs to realise his audience won't be impressed with such irrelevant stereotypes about women.” In a statement, the editors of Cherwell said they were “very sorry” if offence had been taken.
But the guide, published on Tuesday, provoked a wave of condemnation and forced editors to delete the 709-word feature from its website, to be replaced with an official apology for the piece of “satire”.
Tally ho, my fine saucy young trollop, your luck's in.
Grace Goddard and Barbara Speed, the newspaper’s co-editors, who are both studying at Wadham College, said: “The piece was a lifestyle/comment piece which we clearly did not intend to be offensive.
"The article was not commissioned but a personal contribution from the author.
Her godfather, it casually emerges, is a Cabinet minister.
Or she’s leaving town for the evening to ‘have supper in the Lords’.