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If you genuinely care for this person and see ways they can improve their quality of life, then that’s a justifiable motivation, especially if you can present your recommendations non-judgmentally and with respect.That’s much more legitimate than calling for change out of your own insecurities, and in such a way that makes them feel bad about themselves.But obviously, that’s a bad move for ourselves, for the relationship, and even for the other person we’re changing for.So remain true to who you are, and hold firm to your identity and core values. Do Remain Open-Minded, Flexible, and Tolerant Being consistent in terms of who you are and what you believe is a good thing. So even as you remain true to the essence of who you are, be careful to avoid being closed-minded about changes you could make to improve yourself, or your new relationship.There may be times when you feel like having someone—anyone—would be better than being by yourself.But fight the temptation to give in to this line of thinking. Do hold Firm to the Items on your “List” You know what you want, and what you need, in a relationship.

No matter how much you feel that you need them, don’t deny what you know to be true.

Remember the words of Maya Angelou: “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Do Trust your Instincts Pay attention to what you’re feeling inside, and trust yourself to make the decision that’s right.

If, when you’re being totally honest with yourself, you feel that you two have a real shot at creating something good together, then give it some more time and see what happens.

So if you have some non-negotiables, and this person in your life doesn’t meet the criteria you’ve set out, then be willing to move on without that person, and make yourself available for new possibilities. Don’t Work from an Unreasonable List There’s nothing wrong with having standards, even high ones. For example, the length of a person’s second toe, or the fact that they sometimes chew with their mouth open, probably shouldn’t be an absolute deal-breaker.

Also, it may not be realistic to expect to find someone who looks like a fashion model, or who loves the Dodgers as much as you do.

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