Being honest about your feelings dating
“Share a little and see how the person responds,” Nelson says. When I zoom out to get that perspective, I can see that it’s perfectly OK for me to be a little more vulnerable and authentic with my friends—in part because we’re all doing our best to bring that genuine positivity, even when things are shit.If you’re thinking that being more open would make you feel better but simply have no idea how to respond to “How are you?The three sides of the triangle are positivity (which in this context means genuine interest, joy, amusement, humor, and pleasantness); consistency (i.e.spending time together, which establishes confidence and trust in the relationship), and vulnerability (sharing more personal details, being willing to be exposed and honest).I actively avoided telling people—particularly my coworkers and casual friends, but even close friends too—that I wasn’t doing well.But there are two big reasons I’ve started doing it more regularly these days. Going through a difficult time can feel a lot like carrying a stack of delicate china while tiptoeing across an iced-over pond.Bob—the office glad-hander who is never not chipper to the point of being annoying (and who introduced Pete’s mother to her now-suspect cruise companion)—brightly asks, “How are you?
Moments later, he steps into the elevator to find his coworker, Bob Benson.Nelson says you can practice positivity even when you’re down by thanking the other person for listening, giving them permission to be happy about whatever is going on in their own life, being willing to laugh when you can, and remembering to say, “But enough about me; what’s new with you? With the friends who are at level 1 to 2 on both consistency and vulnerability, Nelson says, you might say, “I’m going through a divorce and not gonna lie, it’s pretty rough. ”“It’s always appropriate to share what’s going on in your life,” Nelson says.But I am looking forward to making new friends and keeping busy and trying to remind myself that there is plenty of love and fun to be had in the world.” With a level 9 or 10 person—such as, say, a sibling you’re really tight with or your best friend since age five—you might share the ways it’s affecting your children, your fears about dating again, and the fact that you cry yourself to sleep every night. Aim to share in a way that gives the other person the information and context you feel is most important (whether that’s “I feel sad” or “I need to take a few days off”), while still making clear that you don’t expect this person to react like a lifelong friend (or a therapist) would. “But we shouldn’t be with the people at the bottom of the triangle.”If you’re worried that being honest about your feelings will make you seem like a Debbie Downer, I get it. But Nelson’s tips have helped me think about my relationships as a instead of focusing on every individual interaction.What you need at that moment is to have to hide how much you are struggling to keep everything from falling out of your arms or worse, pretend it’s a breeze.You may not be able to set down the china or step off the icy pond right now, but you can at least admit that what you’re doing is Second, being honest gives other people an opportunity to show up for you.